Strange Days

Well, after years of playing tennis, sometimes even four times a week I haven't touched my racquet since at least 6 months before going into the hospital. Almost 3 years. Until today that is!! I had my first half lesson today with my former tennis coach Meg. It was awesome being out there again. I forgot how much pleasure I get out of hitting that little ball. My stroke was better than I thought it would be, but I am much slower than I was before. Meg said not to worry because it's all muscle memory....thank God since my brain can't remember anything!!  So we hit for 30 minutes, working out the kinks and getting rid of the cobwebs and it was good.........what I was totally unprepared for was the overwhelming emotions that being out there again would bring.  I loved tennis. I lived and breathed it!! I trained and worked on my swing, serve, swiftness, etc. I had many friends that played, they were like my family.  Then I got sick and all thoughts of tennis were swept aside. Just trying to get my life back together was the main focus all these years.  After my lesson, I got into my car and cried my eyes out.  The sense of all that I had loss was more than I was prepared for.  I should have been happy to be out there again, but all I could feel was sadness of the many things I lost while being sick.  In this quest to get back to myself, I don't even remember what or who I was.  So now, I'm so conflicted. I intend to get back on that court and enjoy it.....but the sadness still remains! Probably will always be there.